You may be contemplating taking advantage of the DNA specials that are currently offered – Ancestry.com and MyHeritageDNA.com are both being sold for $59.00 plus shipping. Maybe you’re like me and have tested with a number of different companies over the past several years and believe you know the directions well enough to not read them. I am going to share an embarrasingly dumb mistake I made last month when taking a DNA test to spare you having to learn this lesson on your own.
At my annual wellness physical my physician and I discussed genealogy. Side note: Physicians and genealogists share a lot in common, especially at parties where acquaintances want to poke your brain and get free advice on their chronic complaint – a health issue for the docs and a brick wall for the genealogist.
My medical provider was sharing the results of her recent DNA test and I told her how I had compiled an ancestor health history going back several generations as I believe that some genetic conditions reoccur farther than the two generations back that typically the medical community zeroes in on when you complete the initial paperwork of who had what conditions.
Granted, I have no proof of my theory other than what I’ve discovered in my own family tree and usually, when I mention this to a doctor, I get the same look that is given when you tell them you tried to self diagnose using WebMD. I understand I’m enchroaching on their professional judgement but I mean no disrespect. My current physician is very understanding of this tendency I have and although neither my parents or grandparents had medical concerns that DNA testing could show might affect me, I had two aunts that clearly carried a trait. We both agreed it would be beneficial for me to be tested for medical information.
Deciding I could handle the test’s results, I made a followup appointment to spit into the test tube the next week. The receptionist reiterated what the doctor said, don’t eat or drink anything within an hour of the test. Yeah, yeah, I know already, I’m an expert DNA test taker!
Since my appointment was scheduled as the first visit of the morning, I decided I wouldn’t eat or drink anything after dinner the previous evening. I even brushed my teeth right after dinner so there’d be no chance of a toothpaste interference.
The next morning I got ready quickly and drove straight to the doctor’s office. After signing in and being taken back to an exam room, the MA asked if I had eaten or drank anything in the last hour. “No,” I replied, “Nothing since last night about 6:00.” She then handed me the test tube and told me foam didn’t count so make sure to spit to the line.
No worries, I got this. My only thought was why didn’t they just take a cheek swab as in the days of old – that’s how I took my first Ancestry.com DNA test.
MA left the room and I began to fill the test tube. I was really going to town so I didn’t stop to look at the tube for a bit. When I finally did, I had quite a shock. My spit was not clear; it was tinged with pink.
My first thought was I was bleeding but I felt fine. Then it hit me; I had put lipstick on that morning.
Lipstick does not process in my brain as food or drink. It reminds me of my history as my maternal relatives never left the house without applying it. I asked my grandmother why when I was about 8 and she said you should always put your best face forward. That is, except when you’re taking a DNA test in the doctor’s office.
I didn’t know what to do; should I go look for the MA and ask if I should continue or should I just finish filling the tube? I opened the door and saw no one in the hall so I decided to finish and maybe the test would be valid.
A few minutes later the MA returned and I sheepishly showed her the pink vial. “I’ll check to see if that’s okay,” she said, “Never had that happen before.” That made two of us. Returning, she told me that the test wasn’t going to be acceptable and I needed to “Wash off your makeup, wait an hour and we’ll retest.”
The last time someone told me to “Wash off that makeup” was in 8th grade and my lipstick of choice was Wow Wow White that looked awesome with my then braces. Sister Rosarita felt differently and I was sent to the girl’s gang bathroom to remove it. Then, I was angry at the school rule that was enchroaching on my lifestyle. At the doctor’s office, I was angry at myself for being so stupid.
I was planning on meeting my husband after the appointment so I texted him I’d be late because, well, my lipstick got between my DNA and the tube. He thought that was hysterical. Me, not at all.
A little over an hour later the MA called me from the waiting room and asked if I was sure I had gotten all the lipstick off. I showed her my pale pink lips and said, “This is what they really look like.” She laughed and said, “Nice color.”
The second test went smoothly. My results have been returned and they’re good, too.
The doctor’s office staff were so kind about my mistake and said they’d make sure that they mention “NO LIP PRODUCTS” to future women who will DNA test. I’m letting my dear readers know that, too.